What has Jos Biggs got in store for you all today ?
The printer had defied me one time too many. Three times it had been to the hospital, and each time it promised on its return that it would never do that again.
I used it every week, whether I needed it or not, just to keep its ink happy. I even dusted it.
No matter how nice I was to it, it would insist that it needed its heads cleaned, even if I’d used it only yesterday. This technological equivalent of cleaning its face was using up ink at a phenomenal rate, and over time I’d bought it enough replacement inks to print out the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.
I’d had enough! I betook myself to the ever helpful Raquel, and requested a new printer - a Laser Printer, no less.
I figured that the initial price would recoup itself by my savings on the constant cartridge outlay with its consequent loss of money and temper.
She briefly demonstrated the salient points of laser printers, but for me the deciding factor was the length of life of the toner cartridges, which a laser printer uses in a different way to the ubiquitous ink cartridges.
We were purring along nicely in Spanish, even though the day was one of those where my Spanish has decided to go on holiday without previous notice.
I understood what its component parts did, even if I didn’t know how to make them do it, when she brought me up short - ‘es achepay’, she announced.
Achepay? The investigative part of my brain scurried off in a search for Achepay. The Quick Search came up with nothing, but a thorough search by my more determined brain cells suggested that the Achepay were probably an obscure tribe of Native Americans.
Although I have the greatest respect for this much maligned peoples I didn’t feel I could accommodate a whole tribe of them in my kitchen - my house is just not big enough!
Neither is my garden big enough for their horses.
‘¿Achepay?’ I queried weakly. ‘¿Como?’
‘Achepay.’ She repeated; seeing my expression of total non-comprehension she changed tack to something more within my scope.
She pointed to the logo on the front of the machine ‘HP.’ She explained in English.
‘Ah! HP.’ I repeated, feeling just the very tiniest bit stupid.
However, out of this befuddlement has sprung inspiration - namely a name! Achepe = Archie P = Archie Printer.
If he behaves he will keep his name. However, if he misbehaves he will revert to being called ‘The Printer - with or without the addition of an adjective between The and Printer!
