Oh dear, Jos Biggs has problems again !! I had high hopes of Archie. He was filling a need in my life, and I had every expectation of a long and harmonious relationship. He seemed to have it all; he was unobtrusive and efficient, and those who know told me with varying degrees of envy that he was handsome. Bearing in mind that ‘’Andsome is what ‘andsome does’ his physical appearance was of minor importance to me. I was prepared to welcome him into my house as a permanent resident as long as he would be there when I needed him and would unquestioningly minister to my needs upon demand. We made a good start. He responded to my touch with quiet dignity and all the aplomb of Jeeves and produced the object I had requested. Thus encouraged I primed him for Task#2. He slid into action - then abruptly stopped. ‘What’s up Archie?’ I queried. ‘Paper jam.’ He said. I peered into his interior. Yes, I could see the paper, and yes, it was jammed. I couldn’t quite reach it to pull it out manually, so I resorted to the Web for inspiration. I should have known better! Steps 1 and 2 were completely ineffective. Step 3 involved a screwdriver. I reasoned that anything involving a screwdriver would negate his warranty, and in any case was bound to end in lost temper. This is a case for Raquel, from whom Archie had originated. I put him in the back of Henry - or more accurately Eric next door put him in the back of Henry - he’s far too heavy for me to lift, and Henry, Archie and I proceeded over the mountain to Longo’s yard and Raquel’s expertise. Raquel and her uncle attempted Step 1 and Step 2 without result, so Raquel’s uncle took hold of Archie’s lid and with a considerable amount of targeted force lifted his entire top half. And there it was - 3 sheets of jammed paper! I opened my mouth to accuse Archie of being a pathetic wimp when Raquel reached into his innards and produced a strip of cardboard. ‘The manufacturers put this in to protect the machine from being shaken and damaged in transit.’ She explained, as Archie purred smoothly and unquestioningly into action. I had looked at Archie’s book, which is one double-sided page of pictorial instructions in English and another 50 pages of the same in any language you care to mention, including Klingon. His book told me how to get him out of his box, how to remove his protective sellophane, how to plug him in, but nowhere did it mention that I should brutally wrest his top half from his bottom half in order to remove a very bespoke strip of cardboard from his belly! Arriving home Eric once more muscled him onto his perch by the side of the laptop. I gave him some paper, pushed his button, and presto! A picture of a nightie slid out of his interior! (I had asked him for a picture of a nightie, it was not an aberrant act on his part.) Archie Printer and I have overcome our initial discord and have resumed our happy relationship. However I am less than happy with the idiot in the factory who thought that it would be fun to stick a piece of cardboard in his innards and not tell anybody!