Jos Biggs is here again to brighten your Sunday.

There are some things in Life that are just not spoken about. Thus it is that nobody tells you not to fall in love with a man who sings you the most romantic and moving love songs in a glorious tenor voice, but who is accompanied everywhere by a full symphony orchestra. 

If this happens to you it is because you have fallen into an opera, and not many of those ended happily.

Likewise nobody has shared the secret of how to sleep all night with full makeup on and arise next morning with fully coiffured hair but without panda eyes and foundation all over the pillow.

This phenomenon also applies to other bedroom activities - the protagonists invariably look as if they’ve come straight out of Make Up. 

And can you cry without your nose going red and running?

If you can manage these feats then you have fallen into a movie - let’s hope it’s not a horror one!

Then there is the disturbing image of cuddly animals, like for instance Winnie the Pooh, who wears a jacket but no trousers. I’ll let you dwell on that one on your own!

And why is it that superheroes never need to go to the toilet? I can’t imagine how dreadful it would be if the meteor hurtling towards Earth actually landed and destroyed the entire USA unhindered because Superman was on the toilet.

However, I have discovered the answer to a problem that has been vexing me for many years. Father Christmas doesn’t bother me, he’s got Mother Christmas. But the elves? They all appear to be boys. This worries me, but again I’ll let you consider that on your own.

I’ve recently become a fan of the Elf on the Shelf. I was introduced to him by the ladies of the art class, and I took an instant liking to him. I understood why the poor little lad was so mischievous; he lacked the steadying influence of a girlfriend to keep him amused(!)

That was until Julia introduced me my very own Elf on the Shelf - and she a girl! I know that because she has her hair in bunches, therefore she must be a girl.

She is currently peeping out from the inner depths of the Christmas tree, no doubt waiting and hoping that a little boy Elf will call by, and together they can go off creating mayhem!