Jos Biggs thought this would be quite apt for today!
Nostradamus and the 3 Kings.
As the desert sun peeked over the eastern horizon the camp was a hive of activity: A bevy of servants were rushing around folding up blankets and rugs, striking the tents, washing up and carefully stowing the breakfast crockery, and then systematically loading the whole lot on the camels. This was not as difficult as it sounded, as the camels were all sitting down – the hard bit was when the camels stood up; camels stand up rather suddenly and back end first; a badly loaded camel can precipitate its load straight over its head, and breakfast crockery tends to break if dropped from camel height.
The 3 Kings, Melchior, Caspar and Balthazar, were in conference with their Astrologer – he was the one who knew the way, or that is what he said. Actually, what had happened was that a comet had appeared, and in a flippant moment he had suggested that it signified a new King, and perhaps they should go and see him and lay claim to trade routes before anyone else got in on the act.
He was once again wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. He never expected them to drag him along with them. He thought they would be gone for months, and he would have a nice bit of peace and quiet not having to make predictions, which he always found a bit tricky. But no, here he was, in the middle of nowhere, lurching about on the top of a camel, with everybody saying ‘which way?’ at the top of every dune. All dunes looked pretty much the same to him, but he would fetch out his compass, twist it around a bit, and then point vaguely towards the horizon and say ‘that way.’
His credibility had taken a bit of a knock lately. By sheer chance they had arrived in Bethlehem, to the alarm of the local upstart, Herod, a vicious thug who liked to call himself King.
Knowing that he was a nasty piece of work, and needed treating carefully the 3 Kings decided to pay a courtesy call upon Herod, and tell him what they were up to. The Astrologer thought they could have worded it better, as Herod was more than a little taken aback when they came straight out with ‘We think there’s new King in the neighbourhood.’
Seeing that Herod was not pleased, the Kings, with one accord, pointed to Nostradamus and said ‘Well, that’s what he said.’
Herod smiled a smile that would make a shark seem like babysitter material, and said ‘Really? How interesting. Be sure to let me know when you find him, I’d love to make his acquaintance.’
The Kings mumbled words to the effect that yes of course they would, and left as soon as was polite.
When they got back to camp they gave the Astrologer a good old dressing down. ‘You’d better find that King pretty damn quick’ they had said, ‘or we are going to look silly, and that is a beheading offence.’
‘Oh, you’ll find him all right.’ He said with false confidence. ‘By tonight.’ He added rashly.
He spent a miserable day – the sun seemed extra burning, the camel seemed extra lurchy, nobody was speaking to him, and by nightfall all they had found was an animal shelter with a vagrant couple and their baby son in occupation.
‘So where’s this King, then? You said by nightfall.’ Was the general tone of the question put to him rather nastily by the 3 Kings.
In desperation he found inspiration. ‘Right there.’
‘But that’s a baby!’
‘Never said it was a grown up King, did I?’
The three gazed at each other in silence. Balthazar turned to the baby. ‘Are you a King?’ He demanded; he didn’t know that babies weren’t born coherent speakers.
‘Glugooeeeeheaaa.’ Answered the baby.
‘See. Told you he was a King. Better break out the gifts.’
And that is how Nostradamus introduced the Three Kings to the Baby Jesus!
