Jos Biggs problems this past week. Oh dear !!
Have you ever noticed how many friends and relations Problems have?
If one Problem comes along it brings all of those friends and relations with it - I have a theory that Problems must be deeply insecure in themselves and always need to be surrounded by an inner circle of other Problems, who can offer them support and confidence.
And thus it was last week!
I awoke all peaceful and calm; the sun was making definite plans to hoist itself over the horizon, the blackbird was singing its little head off in the garden, it was going to be another serene day in paradise.
And then I went to the loo. I have 2 loos - the on-suite and the other one. The on-suite hadn’t been working for a couple of days. I was going to get it fixed, just not today because I had to be elsewhere for the morning. So I patronised the other loo - loo 2.
Loo 2, however, came over all pathetic; the best it could manage was a trickle so feeble as to be useless.
When the water pressure is low I have an external pump that is supposed to kick in and somehow magically return the water supply to the house to its normal strength.
With dread I realised that I hadn’t heard the pump kick in. Full of foreboding I toddled round to the little pump house, and there was the pump, doing nothing. I pushed its override button - nothing!
I rooted out a couple of buckets and filled them from the pool. I was in control of the situation!
It was then that I discovered that you can pour as much pool water as you like into the cistern, but if the upsy-downsy things - or ballcocks to the pedantic, don’t work that water is going to stay just where it is - in the cistern!
I needed a plumber, and I needed him right now! This is where things began to go seriously awry. I was supposed to be elsewhere at 10, and the plumber wasn’t open until 10, so therefore couldn’t be asked to come and sort things out before that hour.
I couldn’t ask leave of absence from my usual appointment before 10, so I high-tailed it down to Fontalmanzora resolving to hand in my apologies telephonically later - a plumber was at this moment my first priority.
I managed to convey my tale of woe in Spanish, and was reassured (in Spanish) that a plumber would call this morning.
This is going to cost, I thought, so on my return I raided my secret cash supply and settled down to a waterless daily routine of jobs. Unfortunately I forgot all about phoning - my brain was full of plumbers, there was no room for anything else!
My sanitary ware saviours turned up just after 11, about an hour after I had thrown myself on the mercy of the might of Fontalmanzora.
However, by this time my absence had been noted, and I was in receipt of a smart ticking-off re my non-appearance.
For the sake of peace and quiet I pressed the house keys into the hand of Plumber#1 and explained that I had to go out, and when they had finished would they please lock up the house and put the key under the flower pot.
And when I got back home there were no plumbers present, but the door was locked, the key was under the flower pot, a new pump and 2 new upsy-downsies had been fitted, and all the removable objects that could have found their way into an unscrupulous plumber’s pockets were all still in situ!
It’s amazing how the lack of a functioning toilet can focus the mind to the exclusion of all else!
