I have, thanks to lockdown, become a proper retired person.

I wake up and lie there for a bit. I don’t need to get up yet, I’ve got all day. That only holds good until the cat starts somersaulting against the bedroom door, and I either have to put up with the noise, or Do Something About It.

Gradually I emerge from my bed to the accompaniment of creaks and cracks from my reluctant body. I open the bedroom door, upon which the somersaulting cat stalks off denying all responsibility for disturbing the peace, while the other cat barrels in with the message that I must hurry, it is an emergency, he is on the verge of starvation, and if I really loved him I would give him his breakfast immediately if not sooner.

There is a short delay in Cat Starvation Relief while I open the kitchen door for the dog, who is standing in the hallway wagging her tail and stamping her feet, which is her way of saying ‘I might need to go out.’ As she leaves the house she adds ‘Or maybe I just want to bark at something.’

That flurry of activity over it’s coffee time. The telly is raving on about the dire state of the nation, quoting deaths, missed deadlines and Government incompetence, so I get off the sofa and get dressed before the urge to slit my wrists becomes overwhelming.

Now what shall I do? Ah, housework! That doesn’t take long, the house is still gleaming from yesterday’s deep clean.

Better look on the laptop. Can’t do that without the strengthening assistance of a cup of tea!

Oh my goodness, there’s lots on there – I would answer them all in one go, except the phone keeps diddly-dee ing with new messages, and I have to look at them, they might be important.

And now look! It’s lunchtime – Look in the fridge, I’ve got jam. And pickles. And eggs, ooh, and mayonnaise! I’ll have hardboiled egg and pickles, mixed up with mayonnaise- forget the jam.
And now, after such a sumptuous meal, I feel like a little nap. Just half an hour, on the recliner chair with Classic FM on.

How did that happen?! An hour has gone by, yet I only closed my eyes for a minute! Never mind, no hurry, I’ve got all day – I’ll get up after this next piece of music, I really like this one.
I’ll get up after this next piece of music, I really like this one as well.
I’ll get up after………and another hour has gone by!

Come on, get up – the pots need watering, don’t want them to die, do I?
Now the troops are mustering, they want feeding – again!
I wonder what’s on the telly, sit down and switch on Guide. Oh, I want to watch that. But it’s on at the same time as this. Then why not record one of them? Can’t, I’ve already got 2 programmes recording at that time.

My goodness, is that the time? Suppertime!
Wander into the kitchen, what shall I have? Ummm, I’ve got jam. And pickles. And eggs. And mayonnaise. I could have…..No, I had that for lunch.
Everything else is in the freezer, and I’m not prepared to wait several hours for it to unfreeze.
I know, I’ve got cheese, so I’ll take 2 slices of bread out, they will unfreeze in no time, and I’ll have a cheese sandwich, washed down with a cup-a-soup. And for pudding I’ll have a chocolate!

Then I’ll settle down to watch the telly. I need to relax, I’ve had a busy day.

A pity I didn’t have time to: Go for a walk. Have a swim. Read a book. Draw something. Finish the jigsaw. Do the puzzles.

It’s all go, isn’t it?