Good day pack,
Well here I am in Spain in my lovely new kennel (my two paws call it a villa). I am starting to knock staff into shape and get my home and staff’s quarters into shape.
We have a large palm tree which has, I am sure, grown too large for its intended purpose and too near to the kennel. I spoke to male staff and asked if it was in his area of ability to remove it, but he answered “not in my pay grade”, showing a reluctance to attempt the task. I called up the lovely couple from Potty Finca and asked them to remove it. John looked at it saying no problem but we cannot get the root out. Upon which male staff chimed in to say he would get the root out. Ho hum, we shall see thought I, he doesn’t do anything that raises a sweat apart from race to the bar. Down came the palm and away went John and Ruth with their truck laden with the palm and I tapped the stump meaningfully whilst staring at male staff.
The very next day male staff emerged purposefully with pick axe, spade, shovel and levering bar. My, I thought, he means business unless he has sold all those items on the forum. I decided that I should retire into my kennel and supervise female staff at this point as I had a premonition about male staff's efforts. Two hours later I ventured out only to see that a small moat had been dug around the tree stump and male staff was sitting on the stump looking hot, red faced and definitely grubby. He turned to me and said “I think I have strained a muscle”.
“Muscle” I pondered, unlikely, only thing I have seen him strain is the potatoes after boiling!
At dinner, which thankfully female staff had cooked, the excuses started to trickle out and both female staff and I glared at male staff. I will probably be ok after a rest said he. The following day he was back at the stump increasing the depth of his moat, huffing and puffing. A week went by and still the stump remained with no sign of the roots being removed. It appears that male staff put a notice on the local website describing his plight and along came these two strapping young men armed with chainsaw, spades (more spades?) and shovels, they set to work. We will be back tomorrow they said at the end of the day, we have a plan. I have heard that one before thought I.
They returned the following day with sharpened chain saw and proceeded to carve a bowl in the stump. Into this they poured oil, and petrol and set it alight. That'll do the trick it will burn and then smoulder and eat the stump away, no problem.
After a few days the stump remained despite male staff having re-lit it several times with diesel oil, olive oil and paint thinners. The smell was odious and my dear neighbours had become a little tetchy by now. Enough, said I, staring at the stump, this is a farce. I phoned that nice Andy from drainage solutions whom I knew had a digger that would fit up my drive. I can dig it out said Andy but I can’t take it away.
No problem said male staff I can split it and take it to the tip. My eyes were raised to the sky, I have heard something like this before. In due course , staff borrowed steel wedges from my good friend Cliff, who bought another lever bar and buried a steel “Log Bomb” in the stump. Male staff succeeded in splitting it into six pieces which, with the help of the lovely Alan and Cliff, the offending root was delivered to the recycling centre.
Just an aside pack, I now fast forward to the present day. Please, Please be safe and watchful in these troubled times. Now all you two paws have got a little more freedom and I don`t have to wear my little legs out taking you for all those walks. Keep alert and, like that big dog down the road, don`t let the virus come back and bite you on the bum.
Masks, gloves, sanitizer, soap and common sense.
Dogs rule, ok? 🐾🐾
