Good day pack,

Wishing you a better and safe new year.

I was invited to the wonderful Sue and Alan's for a sumptuous Christmas lunch, superb, and unlike my kitchen there was not a hint of burning. I was told that I may bring my staff so just prior to our departure I sat them down and told them that their behaviour had to be beyond reproach and they were not to remove any bottles and I would carry out an inspection before returning to my villa. All went well and I received a gift from under the Christmas tree containing Seron's finest which Sue and Alan know is my weakness.

I now find it difficult to recognise the two legs as one looks much like another whilst wearing their muzzles. Only if they are being walked by their dogs can I recognise them, perhaps they could carry labels on their forehead. Female staff was given an award by our lovely Mayor in recognition of her work making masks. Male staff and I drove her down and went to Azabache for a glass of wine whilst Female staff went to the Museum to receive her award. It was pleasant sitting in the sun. When Female staff returned with her hamper and certificate Male staff suggested a little lunch (and no doubt another glass of wine). Now you will see what I have to put up with.

Off he goes to the car to run down to the cash point, but immediately returning. ‘I cant find my glasses', he searches around where he was sitting without any success. Off he goes in his sunglasses. A little later he comes back shamefaced with some cash but saying he could not see the numbers properly and had lost his Spanish debit card he had to use our reserve. We had lunch. As we returned to my villa Male staff parked out side and retraced his steps, no specs in sight. The following day Male staff was seen to be repairing a pair of spectacles he had broken falling off the palm tree 3 years before. A few days later on our evening walk we came across the lovely Tony and Sheila feeding the cats. Male staff told the tale of losing specs, bank card etc , I shook my head in despair. Later that evening we received a call from Tony to say his neighbour, Johnnyboy, had seen a pair of specs on our post box ! Yup the missing glasses, I do wonder about Male staff! Often! 

Male staff disappeared off to get some shopping last week only to re-appear walking back from up the hill past Corrascos. Erroll the automotive fruit rat had struck again or perhaps his work on the fuel system had finally succeeded for a second time.

Later the great Colin reappeared with Female staff’s Renault on a trailer and diagnosed an air leak on a rubber pump device with evidence of teeth marks. As it was just before The Three Kings holiday Colin had to improvise which he did and the Renault Clio came back to life and the lovely Alan's rattrap was re-filled with bait and a 10mm spanner to tempt Erroll and placed by the log pile. Erroll is becoming a pest ! ( my joke ).

Lock down syndrome - I have been wracking my brains to think of things for staff to do during lock down. If left to their own devices the cooking sherry and Larios disappear at an alarming rate. When I pointed this out to both staff members I received responses such as evaporation and bottles must be porous! Hence forward I am going to initiate an exercise regime for both Male and Female staff. I had to explain that removing corks from wine bottles and unscrewing Larios bottle caps would never, to the best of my belief, be an Olympic sport. Furthermore a brisk walk did mean more than staff stumbling down our road to the post box. I think this will be work in progress at the moment. Any advice would be well received.

I know that I complain about my staff but they do test me. I rise about 9.45 in the winter once Male staff has lit the wood burner and set out my breakfast, I then take him for a walk before eating my breakfast. For my supper, staff prepares it around 4.30 and after supper I take him for a short walk. BUT, since my instructions about the cooking sherry Male staff has taken into his head when he has prepared my supper he pours himself a generous glass of wine and as he calls me through to eat he says ‘I thought we could have a drink together', all pally as if we were equals. Well I was speechless, have you ever seen a dog with a glass of wine? Devious is the word. Unfortunately my lack of reaction seemed to give Male staff approval and the practice continued for a second day. I have now put him to rights, pointed out that never are we on the same social strata and I was forced to change the lock on the wine cabinet again. Note - do not leave out any paperclips or other items which could pick a lock.

Now pack make sure your two paws stick to the rules and remember to keep them under a paw of iron at these times, whilst I never advocate violence a few nips around the ankles may concentrate their feeble minds and ensure they concentrate on the safety measures . If the two paws become unwell who is going to do our bidding?

Keep safe, dogs rule, hasta luego.
Oh by the way, thanks to my Male Staff - Holman Blackburn, for checking my spelling.
Skye