Trainee Sheepdog

I succumbed to the temptation of the middle aisle in Lidl’s, and bought a leaf blower/sucker. It seemed a lot easier than sweeping up the thick carpet of leaves that the wind has brought down and abandoned all over my garden.

Much to my surprise it had an instruction booklet, even in English. Like a sensible person I hitched it out and read it; I hate to think what might happen if I assembled it wrong! It was quite straightforward, even for someone of my limited mechanical know-how.

Feeling very proud of myself I attached it to the extension lead. I fully unrolled this lead, acting on knowledge gained over the course of years – another cause for congratulation. I was ready to go. I selected a promising spot and switched the red switch, and lo and behold, It sprang into life!

It certainly blew. Even on 1, the least powerful, it was sending gravel all over the place, and leaves were flying in every direction. Huge fun, but a bit random.

Two thoughts occurred to me:

I’ll have to be more directional with my aim.
If it blows leaves as ferociously as this, I’d better not try the sucker on the gravel – it was bound to suck up gravel, a thing the instruction booklet was at pains to mention would result in the instant death of the machine.

The perfect solution would be to blow all the leaves out into the road, herd them into a pile, then switch to the sucker when there was no danger of sucking up gravel.

Leaves, I’ve decided, are much like sheep. When chased they skitter off all over the place – they are not like herring, which David Attenborough assures us will stick together in a bait ball when threatened. No, they scatter to all known points of the compass.

I had a wonderful time outmanoeuvreing them. I was Come by-ing an Away–ing in the best traditions of One Man and His Dog. I achieved the Drive and the Fetch, negotiated the obstacle of the garden gate, and put the leaves on Hold in the road.

I sprinted back to the house to attach the sucker – again quite straightforward, so in no time I was ready to go. It was at this point that I discovered that the extension lead went as far as the gate and no further!

I stood there, sucker in hand, and watched as the leaves joyfully danced up from their neatly gathered pile and set off down the road, each leaf carefully selecting a different route to the one chosen by its pals.

I weighed up the situation, and rapidly came to the conclusion that an old-fashioned broom was my only realistic option.
Ah well – it was fun at first!